An Update........

So, I have been MIA for a few weeks now. I thought about just jumping back into regular posting, or making something up, you know the kinda thing, 'life took over', but i can't, I can't just move on and pretend the last 4 weeks of my life didn't happen.

I know one of the wonderful things about the internet and blogging is that you can be whoever you want, say whatever you want and of course pick and choose what parts of your life you share, but i would like to share this, for two reasons, one, it is a part of my life i will never forget, and two, the subject isn't talked about enough, not openly with honesty.

 

People who either know me or that have read my blog before will know I have two beautiful sons, I am hugely blessed and love being a mummy, being a mummy and wife is what I do, and I love every second.

In the summer of 2014 my husband and I decided we were ready to add to our crazy family. We were very lucky it didn't take a huge amount of time before we were both stood stunned one bright sunny morning in late March staring at a very positive pregnancy test! Three tests later we were pretty sure, baby number 3 was cooking!

We worked out our dates and came to the conclusion our baby would be born in the last week of November, perfect, I love Christmas more than any adult should, so a Christmas baby, I was beside myself with joy, excitement, happiness....just imagine every positive emotion you've ever felt, mix it all up and yup, that was me! We named the 'baby' Nugget, obviously we didn't know the gender and wanted to be able to talk about the munchkin without calling it, it.

The next nine days went by in a blur of nausea and tiredness, it was wonderful! Things soon began to change on a Saturday night two weeks ago. It began with light bleeding, two weeks passed, two weeks of bed rest, being told one minute we had lost our baby, followed by glimmers of hope when we were told it was in fact still there and had grown. Seeing our little dot in a sac on a screen and falling more in love. Those two weeks were hell, and despite being told things were ok, deep down I knew something wasn't ok, call it mothers intuition, whatever you want, I just knew. And heartbreakingly I was spot on.

On Sunday 19th April 2015, at 12:05 pm, at home I miscarried our tiny, tiny nugget.

Now there are no more words, I am numb and my heart hurts, I can't cry, the tears just won't come. Some will say it is silly to feel how I do, that 'it' wasn't even a person. But to me and Steve he or she was our third child, and we loved that child before it was even conceived.

For now I am healing, physically and mentally, everything is still so raw, but I felt I needed to get something out. I am incredibly lucky to have two healthy, happy, beautiful sons, they are my world and I will continue to treasure every second I have with them and their Daddy xx

 

For those of us who have undergone the trauma and complex feelings following miscarriage, a little of that pain remains in a corner of ones heart forever. - Barbara Jackson.

 

Throwback Thursday - Glam Baby and Glam-ma!

Hey Hey!

 

Welcome back, and welcome to my first Throwback Thursday!

 

I've been feeling very nostalgic this week, so thought I would share a picture of the woman I have always idolised, my Nanny!

 

 

This isn't the greatest when it comes to picture quality, but I love it nonetheless. I think I was about 3 or 4 in this, so it was taken in around 87/88. I was rocking the ginger fro, and of course a bow which perfectly coordinated with my dress and no doubt patent shoes!

 

My Nanny unfortunately passed away 8 years ago, but she was totally glam until the day she died! Hair perfect, outfit on point, heals always, and I mean always......her slippers even had a heal! Face pristine and gorgeous nails, then there was the gold, she always wore loads of rings, bracelets and necklaces, I was mesmerised by them! 

 

My favourite memory of her is when I was a little older, I wanted nails just like her, she had a huge stash of false nails, my mum was a total spoil sport though and wouldn't let me have nail glue on my fingers.....how unfair hey?!

Anyway, my Nan took me out into the hall, we hid under the stairs and she had me chewing gum (she didn't do gum), and she stuck each nail on with a tiny piece of the minty sticky stuff, I felt just like my glam nan!

 

It's so fun to sometimes sit and think of happy times and of loved ones, weather they are still with us or not, is it something you enjoy?

 

Share your thoughts and pictures with me, id love to see!

 

for now, have a great rest of the week.

 

See you soon!

 

Much Love,

xoxox